Losing

What happens when someone you love,
loves someone else?
When they prefer their hand to rest
on someone else's lower back,
when they use someone else as a journal.
Spilling on their day,
the dirty contents of a
disasterous afternoon.

What if you knew that you
threw yourself away?
Away from him?
You labeled yourself as a stowaway,
as garbage,
and threw all overboard,
clamoring for life
alone.

Now, hypothetical is killing your hope
in cold blood.
The knowledge that he doesn't
mean a joke,
he means no.
To you.

Final and brick-like no,
falling on your head
from the upper story,
and you can't lose your memory.

Instead, your nightmare is reality.
She is there, perfect and bare,
and you wait and watch in a corner,
pocked and exposed,
like you only dreaded
you had the potential to be.

And as you vainly attempt to cover yourself
with clear tears,
a quiet blue-eyed voice tells you
that what you look like
is a human,
and isn't it time to move on?